Yesterday I had my first appointment with a new counselor. She has a background in pregnancy related issues so I hope she will help me get through the grief of losing Amelia and help me with the anxiety if getting pregnant again. It was a rough day...having to relive Amelia's birth, to discuss that day that will forever be in my memory but not in my memory since I spent so much of it in shock.
When I left her office I decided to get some lunch and parked next to a mini van. In the front seat was what appeared to be a grandmother, her daughter and a new baby. Seeing that knocked the wind out of me. They were so casually enjoying lunch and I wonder if they know how lucky they are, how lucky they are to have brought that baby home alive so that they can enjoy that day.
I came home and cried...the loud gasping for breath cries that can't be helped. My two wonderful kitties came and were with me. Will seeing babies never stop me in my tracks?
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